It's Valentine's Day... And I'm Finally Celebrating It!

 

It was a cold February day on the NIU campus.  Although it was five years ago, I remember every detail as if only ten minutes have passed.  I had my huge, way-to-heavy bookbag chock full of the usual science text books, lab manuals, and other school supplies, but there was something different about today.  You see it was a special day.... It was Valentine's Day.  Today my bag was also full of Valentines and candies to share with my friends.  We were having so much fun giving each other Valentine's as if we were still in middle school and talking about what our plans were later that night with whoever our significant others were at the time.  Little did we know that that day's giggling, chatting, and lecture sounds would soon be replaced by gunshots, screams, and sirens.

To go from such a happy atmosphere to such a horrific one in a matter of seconds is a complete shock to the mind and something I will never be able to forget no matter how hard I try.  Having experienced this definitely put a damper on my positive feelings towards this particular holiday. I spent the last four years boycotting the whole thing actually.  No presents, no cards, no "Happy Valentine's Days" (except for at preschool, where I put on my game face and faked it as best I could).  Finally, after A LOT of counseling, way too much thinking, and five whole years I have come to the realization that although I want to forget everything about that day I have to remember that everything happens for a reason and maybe some of the things I learned that day I shouldn't want to forget.  I must remember that things could have always been worse. I did live through that day, and some didn't.  I get the chance to move on with my life and learn and be strengthen by that day, and others don't.  So I have to forget the survivor's guilt that I feel and honor those people who lost their lives by living the life that I still have the chance to live.

 

 

So although that event changed the whole course of my career, which is something I struggled a whole hell of a lot with, I have to realize that I was right where I was supposed to be at the exact time I was supposed to be there so I can be right were I am now.  I am content with my life just as it is.  I really learned that although you say "it won't ever happen to me" that is a line of shit.  So you can't take one single day for granted.  You live your life the way you want to live it while you get the chance. 

 

I also struggled with the fact that there are people out there who want to do things like this and not knowing what the world is coming to because of it.  But I cannot control the actions of other, just my own.  No one is going to change the world if they just sit around and watch it all go to hell.  So make a conscience effort to be positive and do good.  Smile at people, say hello, use your manners.  You never know, your random act of kindness may be just what someone needed right at the exact time they needed it... and that could make a world of difference. 

 

Today I will celebrate Valentine's Day for real for the first time!  It doesn't mean that I forget, or am over it, it just means that I choose to see the positive.. to live my life.  My husband is taking me up to NIU and we are going to have dinner at my favorite restaurant there and then see Dierks Bentley and Miranda Lambert play at the convocation center!  I feel a bit anxious, but it is time to make some great Valentine's Day memories at NIU to replace the scary ones!  Say a prayer for me that I don't have a panic attack!  I hope you all have a fabulous Valentine's Day and spend it with the ones you love!