Well, I guess I'm dead inside then! I don't like to believe that I don't have life within me.... I don't think God wants me to believe that either. However the Catholic church is making it unnecessarily difficult for me to "have life within" me.... And sadly it is pulling me farther and farther away from the faith that I thought my whole life was based around.
I admit, I used to cheat my Celiac disease. I cheated every single time I walked up to the alter. I knew all along it wasn't good for me, but I couldn't stand the thought of not receiving Communion. I told myself that God gave me this disease and he wouldn't punish me for participating in my faith. But I started having more health issues and realized I was looking at it backwards. God did give me this disease, and he wasn't going to punish me for taking care of myself.
So I quit cold turkey. No communion for me.... and I absolutely hated it! Despite my best effort to feel and think otherwise I still struggled with the fact that I was feeling guilty and unholy. I couldn't participate at mass in the only way I knew... the way that had been drilled into my brain since I first stepped foot in Catholic school at age five. I felt left out and judged. I found myself dreading going to church because I didn't want to face those feeling. I found my mind wandering while I was in church because I didn't feel the need to focus on something that I couldn't partake in. For the first time in my entire life I found myself flat out losing my faith... And it was depressing me.
I shared my thoughts and feelings with my husband and family. They all made efforts to make me feel better. But talk all they want, I was not going to feel better about this situation until I could again participate at mass. My mama, who works at the church, talked to the priests about getting gluten free hosts and I started to get some hope back... But then...It. Was. Crushed.
The Vatican apparently has this ridiculous rule that the host must contain a certain percentage of gluten to be used in holy communion. I have many issues with this absurd doctrine. I have done A LOT of research on this topic, but I will just touch on the big picture here. I don't want to preach to you, just simply share my personal struggle and thoughts on this issue.
First of all we Catholics believe that priests have the power to consecrate the "bread" into the body of Christ. That is huge deal... the entire basis of the Catholic religion. In my opinion, if you are given that kind of power does it really matter what that "bread" is made of? I mean honestly, in retrospect the contents of the "bread" are minuscule when you look at the big picture here. They are taking a substance and turning it into the body of Christ! Does it really matter what that substance is made out of? I really don't think so.
Can anyone prove with complete certainty that the actual bread Jesus used at the last supper contained wheat? And even if it did does that really make a difference? Celiac disease was not a problem at that time... sadly it is now. The reality is that the church needs to change and evolve to fit the needs of it's current time and members. I doubt if I showed up to the last supper and told Jesus that I couldn't eat that bread that he would say "well you are shit out of luck then" Don't think so!
Some may argue that if we truly believe that it is no longer bread, but the body of Christ, does it matter if there is gluten. You aren't eating gluten... you are eating the body of Christ. Yes I believe that in my heart and soul, but my intestines are just functioning organs and they sadly can't believe and don't know the difference between the two. So something had to change.
I pondered whether my faith was what had to change. Do I need a fresh start, a new religion that will accept gluten free bread more readily? Other churches have no problem getting gluten free hosts for those that need them. As I sat crying in the pew while I watched everyone else go up to communion on Palm Sunday I decided that a new faith was most definitely NOT the answer. That thought was more like the devil tempting me.... well guess what devil.... ain't gonna happen!
The answer is that I need to work for a change. And what better time for a change than now! The institution of a New Pope means new ideas, new growth, and new perspectives! I started with going back to the priest at my parish. I sent him off to chat with the bishop of our diocese armed with a photograph of some gluten free communion wafers.
He came back and told me to go ahead and order them! I happily started shopping! Sadly the online store that I found them for sale on warns right on the page that they are not acceptable for Catholic Communion. So I don't know what to think or feel about this. Him allowing me to order them and use them is a step in the right direction, but it doesn't fix the entire problem. The Catholic church is still denying the needs of it's members. I will chat with him in more detail on this and go back to the drawing board. We will see what happens from here. I'll keep you posted.
Do I have any Catholic Celiac followers out there?? How do you deal with Communion? There are "low gluten" hosts available... have any of you tried them without problems? Personally they scare me, and seem to me like they are just a poor excuse for a real solution to the problem (on the part of the Catholic church- I place no blame on the nuns making them).
Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for the effort that the nuns making them put into it... thank you ladies for being on Team Celiac Catholic! Those wonderful women are doing everything that the Catholic church is allowing them to do to help us Celiacs, and I am so grateful for that! Now if we can get some higher up Catholics to think like they do! I'll say some prayers for a step in the right direction! Join me will ya?!
I am Catholic and have Celiac Disease and order my low-gluten hosts from the Benedictine sisters. I have never had a problem with them and am grateful that they are available to me. I bring a pyx with a host in it each week and give it to my priest before the state of Mass. Then I go up in the regular communion line and receive, acknowledging to the priest that I have the low-gluten host if he forgets. I place no blame on the Catholic Church for having the rule that the bread must contain wheat in order to be consecrated. I am glad I can continue to be a part of that 2,000 year tradition and still receive the Body of Christ.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that those hosts work for you! I would love to still be a part of that tradition too! I have the pyx, but nothing to put in it. I know what needs to be done, it is just getting there that has been a struggle. It has been a process for me, which is slightly touched on in what you have just read. I am very sensitive to gluten, and those hosts worry me. I don't like that they claim they have virtually no gluten and have to lie (for lack of a better word) and call them low gluten in order for them to be used for Catholic Communion. Communion to me should not be based on fibs. My church was going to let me use some kind of gluten free hosts, but then the priest was told that they were unfit for Catholic Communion. So we had to start all over. I too am grateful that those hosts are available to individuals who are not super sensitive to gluten. I am not necessarily placing blame on anyone, just expressing that a change needs to be made. Noone would think it was acceptable if the church said the hosts had to include a certain percentage of peanuts, or milk, or soy. Because those are common allergens and it makes no sense. To me, the whole process of Communion should not depend on what the bread was, but what it is going to become. That is what's important! What it was should be something that doesn't make anyone sick, so everyone can benefit from what it has become when they recieve it.
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