A scale of fakeness from my night at Brandy’s...
Your blond hair... probably fake, although you did seem pretty clueless
The leather on my leggings... most likely fake
The smile on my face... it's probably pretty obviously that that was definitely fake
The sizable tip you would have received had you not been an ignorant and uncaring human being... totally not fake
My dietary needs... most definitely NOT fake
It took me a while to come up with words to address the way you made me feel. I didn't even want to share any because at first they were way too mean to say, and that’s just not me. If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all right?
Wrong!
I'm only speaking a little bit for me. I have a fabulous tribe of gutsy girl and guy followers, I have kiddos with food allergies, I have a lot of people in my life that share this issue with me... and you better believe my fierce protectiveness over all of them is not at all fake.
I carried my Tito's martini that the super helpful bartender (thank you for being a light in the dark!) mixed me carefully over to our table. Before my ass hit the chair you judged me.
Maybe it was my skinny ass in those fake leather leggings, those super cute shoes I got on clearance, or simply the way I carried myself. As soon as I opened my mouth you did not take me seriously. You thought I was one of those girls who fakes food allergies to keep their figure. Those girls exist, but I’m not one of them. Do they frustrate me? A little. You? I’m sure. But regardless, you are a waitress, they are the customers, this is your job. When a person goes into a restaurant they are paying you for a service. They should get what they want…. Or NEED.
I am as chill as I can possibly be when I go out to eat. Honestly, you probably have people who can eat like a normal person who are much more difficult than me. I told you I would eat whatever the chef made me as long as it was carefully made gluten and dairy free, and I meant it. I don’t complain, I just appreciate being able to eat. I would eat a plain grilled chicken breast and steamed broccoli and rave about how it’s the most wonderful thing and your restaurant is so good to me. You are the one who made it harder than it needed to be because you wanted to sell me something expensive. So you acting like I was a pain in your ass was completely unwarranted.
You told me I could have a steak, and I knew you had no clue if that was true or not. So yes, I had questions. What’s in the marinade, rub, etc.? Soy sauce? Worcestershire? You told me you use Lea & Perrins, but when you went to verify that was not the case. So yes, I have even more questions.
You literally said “Ugh… if I have to keep going back there with these questions he’s going to kill me.” And for lack of better words…. What the actual fuck?! If he actually said that then shame on him too, but I don’t know if I believe that. When I said I wasn’t comfortable eating anything because you and/or the chef weren’t focused on making sure I was safe you didn’t bother to try to fix that. You snipped at me that yes he is focused, he has been doing this for 40 years and he is focused on all THESE tables… a whole ten of them, some of which were vacant. You probably thought no big deal this girl probably makes a habit of not eating. Well, in the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman… Big Mistake. Big. Huge!
I eat, well, and a lot. I am faithful to the restaurants who are faithful to me. And I have lots of people in my corner. They are also fiercely loyal to me. I talk/write and people listen and trust me. I bring in big parties of big tippers, regularly. So, yes, big mistake. big. huge!
These are some things that I hope you learn from your mistake…
1. People with special dietary needs deserve a social life too, don’t make them feel otherwise. You must not have had anything like this touch your circle, but if/when you do you will get it.
2. Use this as a learning experience, it won’t be the last time someone asks you about allergy friendly options, and I can’t really believe I was your first.
3. Don’t judge a book by the cover.
4. No, gluten is not “ummmm, like, sugar.” You sound like an idiot, educate yourself in your field… Food!
5. Jack Daniels is not a bourbon and brands matter… a lot.
6. Celiac disease is not a life threatening food allergy per se, but you will encounter those too. I hope to God you treat those people better than you treated me.
7. Customer service is not that hard, just care a little and be kind.
8. The golden rule says treat others the way you want to be treated. I wouldn’t treat my worst enemy the way you treated me. Never have I ever been so disrespected.
9. Reminder, you work for tips. I’m wondering where you got the money for the fake hair.
10. And finally, karma is a bitch, just like you were.
Ok, so apparently my words were still a little mean, but still not as mean as you were. I sincerely hope that this was just me, I struck a chord in you for some reason, that you don’t make a habit of treating people like this. I hope you were just having a bad day. That you are not that unhappy with yourself that you can’t even find it in you to be nice, not even to the people you are working for, and not even when they are clearly dealing with a not so pleasant condition. I want to remind you that there are kind people in this world, hopefully someday you can be one of them.
And finally, I want to remind my readers that despite people like this woman you can still live well and happy with dietary restrictions. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel otherwise. For every bad apple there are whole trees full of good ones! Find the good ones! Which is just what I did when I finished that cabernet and strutted my skinny, leather-legging-clad ass right on out the door of Brandy’s that night and headed to Mi Margarita!
